Using Radical Acceptance to Find Peace in Politics

We are about two months away from our next general election. That fact is hard to avoid as we are all bombarded with political ads, signs, texts, emails and calls. Even when we want to ignore politics, it can be hard to do with how much it is in our faces at this time of year. No matter which candidate you are backing, you might be feeling anxious, angry, sad or a whole host of other emotions. This is an uncertain time. During uncertain times, we look around for ways to make sense of the way that we are feeling. We might go to friends or family to have these discussions and to look for reassurance, only to find that they don’t share our opinions. It can be difficult to have respectful conversations with people in our life when we don’t agree on politics. So what do we do? How do we find peace? We can get curious. We can try to understand what our loved ones are thinking that leads them to hold the viewpoints that they have. We may never agree on which candidate is the right choice, but we can find the places that we have common ground. Is Aunt Edna voting a certain way because she is scared of inflation on her tight retirement budget? Is Uncle Steve voting another way because he doesn’t believe that abortion should be legal? What about your friend Suzy who doesn’t want to vote at all because she doesn’t think it matters? Can you understand their concerns or help educate them on the facts? You may not be able to persuade them to see politics the same that you do, but you can find a way to preserve your peace. You might find that differences in political beliefs reveal that you have fundamental differences in values. Those differences might be too big for that relationship to be healthy for you right now.

What if you find yourself in a relationship where you can’t understand each other’s points of view? And what do we do if the election doesn’t go the way we want it to? This is a time to bring out the DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) Radical Acceptance skill. Accepting these situations does not mean we approve of them. It means that we accept that this is what is happening. We don’t deny the facts. We accept that our loved one does not hold the values that we do and that may mean we go low or no contact with them. We accept the election results as fact even if we don’t agree with the outcome. It can be a struggle to radically accept. We will have to accept these truths over and over again as triggers come up. We can accept the election results but find that we have a big emotional response on Inauguration Day. Then we will have to accept it again. We will have to keep accepting it but we do not have to approve of it. We just stop our thought process of “I wish this happened….” or “If only he/she/they could see that….”. We can put our energy into the present moment instead of hanging out in the past in the land of What If.

How do we find satisfaction when these kind of disappointments occur? Know that it will take time. Look around for opportunities to get involved in changing policies. Focus on relationships that nurture you and look to make connections with other like-minded folks who will understand and support you.